Friday, April 27, 2012

Biff and Mary: Chapter 8

Welcome back for more Biff and Mary!
Hope this chapter provides an amusing start to your weekend! J

(For those who'd like to read from the beginning, click the "Biff and Mary" tab above, or click here )

We last left our effusively extravagant and extremely obtuse protagonists at the proverbial cliff’s edge, as Mary – basking in the relief of a Hurricane finally named Bruce – awaits the rest of Biff’s question…

Chapter 8:  In Which Mary and Biff Converse on Very Important Subjects

Mary felt her heart stop.  
It started beating again almost instantly, to her great relief, but before that happened it felt as though it had stopped and dropped directly into her stomach.  Her memories of fourth-grade basic human anatomy studies assured her that this was more than likely not possible, but still it felt that way, and filled her mind momentarily with a curious vision of her heart sharing space next to her forthcoming Caesar Salad and Tiramisu, sloshing around with espresso and mineral water and a dollop of whipped cream, but happily this disturbing image vanished quickly as the reality of Biff’s intriguing words sank into her brain (which luckily hadn’t dropped anywhere, as yet. As far as she knew.).
Biff’s voice broke into her anatomical meanderings and she shook her head to clear it.
“Uh, yes, Biff.  What was it that you wanted to ask me?” she said, as calmly as she could.
Could this be IT? she wondered.  Could this be the moment she had dreamed of since she’d played with her Barbie and Ken dolls and their Town House, Camper and sporty convertible of undetermined make and model so long ago? Could Biff be asking her THE question?  She glanced down at her nails, vaguely wishing she’d chosen a different color at the salon, because the plum color simply wouldn’t set off the shining grandeur of a…
Her thoughts cut off abruptly once more as Biff cleared his throat nervously, looking uncharacteristically lacking in confidence as he shifted his gaze to the table.
“Well, I wanted to ask you if…er…that is, if you would consider….”
Biff looked at her, the corner of his mouth turned up sheepishly, yet rakishly.
“Would you consider…well, would you mind telling me if the concealer I used on that devilish blemish is the right shade for my complexion?”
Mary’s heart dropped. Again.  Only this time, it didn’t travel all the way to her stomach, but rather lodged somewhere at the base of her throat, or seemed to, although the aforementioned anatomy lessons would also preclude such a reality.  It stayed there, however, and Mary swallowed past it, attempting to quell the rising shade of pink that had rushed to her cheeks as she realized her beloved Biff’s question had not, in fact, been the one she’d hoped for...
Mary sighed softly, almost soft enough so that Biff wouldn’t hear her, and firmly reminded herself that it was still early in the dawn of their love…. After all, they’d only been dating for one-hundred-eighty-two-and-approximately-one-third days.  She had lived two towns over up until three months ago, but moved here to Loversville mostly to be closer to Biff, who she knew was her fated love who was destined to sweep her off her feet at just the right moment, and also because before she moved to town, she somehow managed to get lost nearly every time she drove out to see him.  No matter which way she turned, all she ever heard from her GPS was “Recalculating…recalculating….turn ri….recalculating…bear lef…recalculating…”  She couldn’t imagine what was wrong, and had switched from the Garmin Nuvi GPS to a new TomTom, but the issue persisted…she finally decided to find a home that was only a few miles from her beloved Biff, and one which required no turns between her house and his.
“If you’d rather not share your cosmetic secrets, Mary, I certainly understand…”
Once again, Biff’s voice broke into her reverie.
“Oh, I’m sorry Biff…I was just thinking about my GPS.  Of course I can help!”
Mary pasted a pleasant smile on her face and gazed intently at Biff’s.  She gradually steeled herself to look directly at the blemish, and was relieved to note that it did appear rather well concealed.
“Honestly, Biff, I think you’ve done a wonderful job!  Is that Revlon Cover-me-Up in Fair Maiden Ivory?”
“Why, yes, it is!” Biff said proudly. “Well done, Mary!”
Mary batted her eyelashes demurely and smiled a soft smile.
“Do you think it works well on my skin? On the tone, I mean?” Biff asked. “I wasn’t sure…”
“Yes, I do.  A perfect choice, Biff!”
“Wonderful!  Thank you for looking at it…I’m sure it wasn’t a pleasant ordeal for you…”
“Biff, you know that I’d do anything for you,” Mary said sincerely, batting her eyelashes a quarter time more quickly than usual, in emphasis.
Biff’s eyes widened suddenly.
“I almost forgot! What was it you said earlier, about needing help with boxes?”
“Oh, yes,” Mary said. She was glad she had finally mentioned it to him. Though she’d been in town a few months, she had not yet had Biff to her own home, so determined was she to master the driving route to his house. It seemed that even straight routes came with an occasional challenge...Considering her disappointment in the lack of neighborly assistance, she’d have to impose on Biff.
“I was hoping that perhaps you could come by tomorrow and help me to open the boxes and put things away, if you have time…I know you have your weekly mani-pedi at Manuel's Mani's on Saturdays, and the tennis lesson as well, so…”
“Of course I will, Mary!” Biff told her with a smile. “In fact, I am sure that I could skip just one mani-pedi…or maybe reschedule it for later in the day…Manuel is very accommodating.”
“Thank you so much!” Mary said enthusiastically, then frowned as a thought occurred to her. “But Biff, I’m not at all sure what we need to do to prepare for such things…”
Biff’s brows drew down as well.  In fact, it appeared that Biff was baffled.
“Hmmm….well, I suppose I could ask Tony. He’s our estate handyman, and seems to know about tools and work-type things and such.  I’m sure he could advise me.”
“That would be wonderful Biff!” Mary enthused. “I knew that I could count on you to figure this out. You can do anything!” She batted her eyes again, attempting to add a loving look to the enthusiastic blinking.
Biff smiled brightly, briefly causing Mary to wonder if the Rembrandt Whitening System he used was actually more effective than her Crest White Strips.
Biff leaned across the table, gazing lovingly into her eyes. “Mary, it’s all you, you know.  You make me feel I can do anything. I...I...”
And with that, he leaned closer…and closer….and even closer….

(to be continued)

Will Mary change brands of tooth whitener?
Will Biff’s consultation with Tony ultimately place a box cutting implement in his well-manicured hands?
Is Biff actually going to kiss Mary, right there in the middle of brunch at Bart’s Bistro?
Tune in next time! J

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